Coraline 2: Coraline's Musical Adventure
by StupidSequel
Summary: Coraline starts a rock band to make big bucks, but that proves to be a challenge when Bobinsky is plotting to ruin her life by making all her songs available for free download just because he thinks her name is "Caroline."


**Coraline 2: Coraline's Musical Adventure**

"I HOPE THIS STUPID ECONOMY IMPROVES!" Coraline screamed at the top of her lungs like a 4-year-old. "I HAVE SEARCHED LITERALLY EVERY SQUARE PLANCK LENGTH OF THIS NATION FOR A JOB, BUT I FOUND ZERO, ZIP, NADA!" Her mother had just gotten duct tape to repair the broken windows caused by her screaming.

"Why is this so important to you, Marie? Don't you already have, like $700 already? Also, you'll have to find another way to make money without a job. There are only five jobs in the nation right now, so man up!" her mother pointed out.

"I want to see the look on the ice cream man's face when I pay him thousands of dollars for something from the ice-cream truck cuz he realizes he'll have to give most of it back for change because acting conceited sounds so much fun, and don't you know my name?" Coraline realized she said too much when her mom chopped up all her money in a blender and made her drink it.

"I'D RATHER HAVE NO DAUGHTER THAN A CONCEITED DAUGHTER! YOU GOT THAT, DIPSHIT?" Coraline wasn't ready to leave until her mom said the magic words: "The game. You just lost it. If you leave, you'll never have to lose it again, my poopsykins." Coraline pelted out of there faster than a shark in a tank of tar. She ran blindly through a rock concert without being noticed, which gave her an epiphany. She decided that she should start her own band to make money. After mentally running through her list of 565 friends she realized she only has 2 because of some undisclosed events that happened during the 10 year time skip after the first film.

Meanwhile, Bobinsky was in his secret hideout (an abandoned computer lab in an alley) thinking about how to ruin Coraline. "THAT DAMN FOOL! WHY DOES SHE CALL HERSELF CORALINE! IT'S CAROLINE!" he both rasped and snapped. "I'm tired of constantly being 'corrected' by an 11 year old! Someone's gotta punish her for getting her name wrong! Don, stalk Caroline and find out what she's up to!" He forgot that people age. With the 10 year time skip, she'd be 21. A kid with glasses walked out of Bobinsky's evil hideout and walked around town. 2 hours later, he still hadn't shown up. "Why did I appoint roller coaster nerds to do my evil bidding?" Bobinsky whispered.

Feeling pressed for time because conceit cannot wait, she asked people to join her band regardless of musical ability. She wanted Wybie to join. "There's a new theme park opening up called Action XScream Scarepants Land and the money that we earn from CD sales will get us tickets." That was her gambit for getting him to join. She made that all up. Wybie jumped up in excitement. He looked as if he was high.

"I am soooooooooooooooooooooooooo in!" Wybie shouted over-enthusiastically.

"If Wybie's joining, then so am I," an Asian kid with a tattoo of the quadratic formula on his head said.

"Coraline, this is my friend, Vespucci Chang," Wybie informed her. "We spend so much time together, people actually mistake us for being married! Ell oh ell! So what kind of band is this gonna be?" Coraline looked lost in thought. _Not only have I not set the musical style in stone, but I also need a fourth member. Someone who looks tough, no-nonsense,_ she thought to herself. She then had another epiphany. She rushed back to her house, blew open the little door with a firecracker, and went to see her other mother.

"Hi, Coraline! Have you come back so I can sew buttons on your eyes?" she asked.

"Actually, I'd like to know if you can join our nu-metal band. Will you?" Without a word, the other mother went with them and they crawled through the tunnel. "All right everyone. Our practice place shall be in the park so that we can be noticed and gain criticism! And we'll call ourselves Hitler ate Sugar because we'll be so energetic," Coraline informed everyone.

"Just so y'all know, I do NOT wanna play drums. Just because I have a math formula on my head and am Asian and wearing a dress shirt does not mean I am good at math. The reason I have the quadratic formula tattooed on my head is because I am failing precalculus and I love to look at myself in the mirror cuz I'm so narcissistic. So my mom figured that the formula should be tattooed where I will look at it regularly." Vespucci requested.

"I'll be the verse vocals, Wybie can be the drummer, the other mother can be the chorus vocals and the screamer, and Vespucci can be the rock-star. Fair enough?" Coraline addressed. Everyone nodded.

When she left home with her band, Don, the nerd who was Bobinsky's cohort, had been spying on them without their knowledge. He reported back to Bobinsky. "Yo, yo. What is up wit yo disappearance, homie? Why you be makin my blood pressure rise, you roamie? I be wonderin, thunderin, yo ass be in the chair right now. I ask this, you be late in this hood HOW?" Bobinsky rapped.

"I find it difficult to ask for directions. I don't think you were very wise to appoint Aspies as your minions, dude!" Don said in a flat tone.

"You better not screw up again or I will mash up your organs and spread it on my toast! CAPISCE?" Bobinsky said in a threatening tone. Don gulped.

"Bobinsky, I thought you might like to know, Caroline and some of her friends, including a repentant former villain, have all decided to start a rock band." Bobinsky seemed intrigued.

"What was the name of this band?" Bobinsky interrogated.

"Hitler ate Sugar, sir," Don answered.

"Listen, my minions," Bobinsky bellowed. "Don tells me that Caroline is starting a band. I know how we'll ruin her. When she gets a contract for a record label, they'll be recording CD's. Their music will eventually be available on iTunes. I propose to start a bunch of websites to host their music so anyone can download their songs for free! We shall also send a bunch of e-mail spam advertising those sites! Eventually they shall lose enough money to be considered broke. That is when I step in and give her the money she needs on the condition that she admits that her name is Caroline and not Coraline." Bobinsky then let out an evil laugh. "Does anyone know how to create websites?"

"Seth might. I dunno. My special interest is roller coasters, not computer programming. I think that describes everyone here," a skinny, fit-looking guy with a monocle and a backwards cap answered.

"I like roller coasters too, but I also know programming, and even hacking, if that's necessary," a fat guy wearing a green tank top, jogging pants, and a backwards cap said. "Let me create that website."

"Very well," Bobinsky muttered. "I will win the game!" After that was a fadeout, showing Bobinsky's eyes glowing and fading afterward, Disney style.

While Hitler ate Sugar was playing music in the park, two men dressed in formal wear walked out of a limousine and came up to them.

"We work with Hors Doovers records, and we wanna know if you'll sign a recording contract and make your music much more famous. Your music is an ear-gasm and I would be thrilled if you shared it with the world!" The quartet cheered with enthusiasm and gladly accepted. They climbed into the limousine and headed to the recording studio.

The quartet had picked out twelve songs to use for their debut album, _No Radar. _They went into the recording studio and filled it with riffs, guitar solos, and rough vocals. The other mother was the one who screamed in their songs and did the rough vocals. Coraline did the rest of the vocals for most of the songs. _No Radar_ was an explicit album, hence the album title. It didn't seem possible that no one heard them from outside the recording studio.

A few days later Coraline went to the store and sure enough she saw her CD in the music section. She felt a pang of excitement. When she saw some random stranger completely ignore it and buy a rap CD, she took the rap CD from their hand, put her band's CD in it, dragged him to the counter, pulled out his wallet, and it was empty.

"Ha ha! You fell for our completely engineered prank!" the clerk laughed. "Your band will suffer! I promise you that! Soon Bobinsky will have his revenge! Hahaha!" Coraline threw him a confused look and left the store without buying anything. The "stranger" and the clerk high-fived. The stranger was Seth and the clerk was one of Bobinsky's other nerd cohorts.

Coraline and the rest of her band each got a share of the thousands of dollars from their CD sales. They were a hit. While Coraline was driving to Sapphire Community College for school, she heard her band's lead single play on her car radio, _The Death Maze_. The song's about our tendency to think too much about stuff that humans cannot grasp the true form of. She was 45 minutes late for her physics class because she was too engrossed in the radio, and she had a test. It was still worth it. Her teacher, a fit guy who looks like a surfer called Dr. Fill, scolded her for being late. He gave her the test and she frantically filled in random answers for five minutes before class was over.

When she got home, she discovered that her nu-metal band wasn't making anymore money. She went on the computer, searched Google for answers, and found out that there were websites that allowed people to download her music for free. She went to bed in tears. At last a moment of inspiration struck her.

Coraline's band showed up at the recording studio ready to record another album even though they hadn't written any songs yet. They were going to improvise. They sang as badly and tried to sound as if on drugs. Spink and Forcible went with them as temporary guest members because of their vastly inferior vocal talent. That vocal talent went even further downhill because Coraline got them to start drinking and smoking. Their sophomore album was called _Sequelitis, _which consisted of 15 ear-splitting tracks, the last of which is 35 minutes of complete silence followed by nails on a blackboard. The songs consisted of a random mixture of off-key vocals, folksy-sounds with opera rapping, lyrics about counting, fire safety, dissing a coat rack, and a track with Forcible and Spink shouting a 23 minute string of cuss-words that would make a nun want to slice out her ears. The picture on the album cover was from the _Sirens of the Sea _clip from the first film.

"Let's hear people say they wanna download it for free now!" Coraline said with a slight chuckle. Little did she know that her music was just as popular as before. She was walking around her college campus. A pang of worry hit her. _Are people still illegally downloading our songs? If so, we've got to make the internet illegal!_

At the secret hideout, Bobinsky was listening to his mp3 player, to one of Hitler ate Sugar's songs. "Ees so bad ees good! Gotta love those sound changing albums," he said with pride. "My minions, don't let up on the chain e-mails! Send em to EVERYONE you know!" The nerds were busily sending e-mail spam advertising the various music sites.

"Here, you might need this. I have a feeling it'll be important later on," Spink interrupted her thoughts with her now raspy voice and gave Coraline a duplicate triangle finding lens. Coraline got home to work on writing an editorial to be published in the newspaper that would explain why the internet should be illegal. She sent it in after letting her English professor review it.

A few days later she got an e-mail from her physics professor calling her an idiot because she wrote "an elephant is in the way" on her test, wrote "Dunno, but you just lost the game," and ended up with a 0% on the test. That e-mail made her angry, so she decided it was time to destress by taking a walk. While on her walk, she noticed something peculiar. She saw a nerd walk into an alley and seem to disappear. She decided to follow him into a door that opened up in the brick wall and ended up in Bobinsky's evil hideout.

"I WAS READING THE PAPER AND APPARENTLY YOU WANT TO GET RID OF THE INTERNET! AND WHY DO YOU CALL YOURSELF CORALINE? SHE YOUR ALTER EGO OR SOMETHING?" Bobinsky spat. He tried to get on the internet, but he couldn't get a connection. "YOU SUCCEEDED! BUT HOW? YOU'RE TOO DUMB TO KNOW YOUR OWN NAME! AND I THOUGHT IT TOOK LONGER THAN THIS TO GET A LAW PASSED!"

"Guess it was real urgent," Coraline speculated. Bobinsky pinned her down on the ground.

"Admit that your real name is Caroline and I'll let you go!" Bobinsky demanded.

"NEVER!" Coraline spat back. She kicked him in the crotch. Bobinsky pointed a gun at her and led her in front of a web cam.

"Prepare to die, Caroline!" He threatened. "Now that you know that I do my evil bidding here, you shall not leave unless you tell the world that your name is really Caroline instead of Coraline!" Coraline refused.

"Fine. Be that way. This gun wasn't loaded anyway. Just a scare tactic. I'd rather use my insane gymnastics to beat you!" He did a back flip aimed at Coraline, and missed. Coraline was running around the computer lab, knocking down monitors and keyboards, creating quite a ruckus. Bobinsky was nimble enough to not stumble and keep pace.

"You eediot! Those things cost hundreds of dollars! If you don't have a money tree, you're screwed!" Bobinsky scolded. The breaking computers made Coraline think of video-game glitches and she got an idea. She put the finding lens up to her eye, walked into the doorway, and kept turning around 180 degrees rapidly. While she was doing this, she was rising upward toward the ceiling, going through it. Bobinsky was too shocked to try to attack her again and his jaw was near the floor.

"How are you doing that? Are you using a glitch in real life?" Bobinsky demanded. Coraline nodded.

Vespucci was outside, following Coraline's scent trail with his own nose and went through the secret door to Bobinsky's hideout. He kicked Bobinsky in the nads. Bobinsky's berserk button was pressed and he chased Vespucci, who was mocking him for having a ball body. Coraline was running on the roof, clearly unafraid, and jumped off, positioning herself to land on Bobinsky, who was bawling like a baby.

"I HAVE TO JOIN A GYM! IT IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN LIFE ITSELF!" Bobinsky's wail thundered through the alley. "I WANNA GET BUFF AND ATTRACT CHICKS AT THE BEACH." Since the internet was banned, he couldn't look up workout drills on the internet.

"If you promise to never download our songs again, we will get the internet back somehow. Deal?" Coraline proposed. Bobinsky agreed. "If you break this deal, I will have the other mother sew buttons on your eyes," she said, with a threatening tone and eyes narrowed at the last five words. She spotted the other mother and Wybie at a table near a fountain, arm wrestling each other.

"If she can beat me 162 games in a row, you SHOULD be intimidated," Wybie added. "Also, I just lost the game, and so did all of you just now." All four friends huddled together to come up with a plan to restore the internet. They overheard an old guy with a huge forehead and noodle arms talking about an ad in the paper about buying internets from Walmart.

"That's it! We should buy a new internet!" they all said in unison. They walked through a meadow where a fat lady with six pack abs was walking her pet tiger. They pelted across the interstate like Greezed Lightnin', causing numerous swerving cars to collide in a shower of sparks and twisted metal. On the other side was the Walmart.

"I want you three to stay outside because I don't want anyone to think I'm romantically involved with three other people," Coraline lied. She actually wanted to buy a new internet so she could be the one and only hero. She went in and found the internet aisle in the electronics section and grabbed what looked like a robotic spider.

"One internet, please," she requested to the cashier. She handed over one dollar and the handsome male clerk with a curvy body handed her a receipt.

"Thank you, come again," he said in a Mexican accent, but he looked German. She stepped outside, read the instructions and gasped. "I'm sorry, other mother, but this is goodbye," Coraline sobbed. She fed the other mother to the robot spider and went home.

She actually had a reason to stay on the computer until 6 in the morning. The internet was back on, but this time around there was nowhere to download songs for free. She heard a knock on the door. Coraline went downstairs to check it.

"Who could it be at this hour?" She mumbled. It was Bobinsky, but he was muscular and much thinner. He took off his shirt.

"I vow never to wear a shirt ever again because of my perfect body!" Bobinsky said excitedly. "Screw spending 17 hours a day on the computer when I can work out at the gym and lose my ball body! And I noticed a tombstone in your backyard." He back flipped away from the property line.

Coraline thought about when their black cat from the first movie died. He ate a cheeseburger and they couldn't take him to the vet because the vet wanted to know his name and he didn't have one, so he died as a result. They had buried him in the backyard.

Coraline heard the familiar ding ding of the ice cream truck, which brought her back to the present. When it pulled up in front, she ordered a poppickle, which is a pickle flavored Popsicle. She paid for it with the $1,000,000 she earned from playing for her band and going on tour (not important to the plot). Instead of teasing the ice cream man because he'd have to give that money back as change, he was like, "Oooh, lotsa money! I keep!" Coraline was broke. Also, she and her band had broken up the night before, so she was back to square 1 (she knew the ice cream truck would come the next day, so she thought they might as well break up).

Her mother had the news on that night. After a story about a milk ring related murder, there was a news crew at Walmart. A tall news lady with a tortoise shell pelt reported in her microphone, "The internet is back up because a brave young woman bought a new internet. We thank you, Caroline Jones!"


End file.
